Enough

Enough.

I pray that I have done enough.

On this beautiful late August morning, I ponder what exactly is enough. The glorious sun is shining through the trees reaching out to touch me as I breathe in the freshness of the air. I sit on the deck and breathe in the crispness that hints of Autumn around the corner. I enjoy some quiet time; unexpected quiet time as I have been given a time out from work already. Three weeks into the school year and at least one of the 560 students I work with managed to share some sick germs with me. While I am not pleased about the sickness, I am grateful to have some time this morning to rest and wonder if I have truly done enough. 

The last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind as we moved both of our college daughters home for the summer. A summer that I realized would probably be the last summer that our entire family would be home together. Their coming and going with the school years ends and beginnings would not dictate our family time anymore. Our oldest daughter graduated from college and used her summer to prepare to enter the work force and move into her own apartment four hours from us. The reality that this may be the last time we move our oldest out really hit me! Our other daughter prepared for her summer mission trip to Kenya, her sophomore year and explored whether or not she has chosen the right major. As I spent time with these two special young ladies this summer, I wondered if I had done enough.

Our family had a wonderful (yet fast and furious) summer together. We camped together. We fished together. We prayed together. We worshiped at church together. We spent evenings around the firepit together. We laughed together. We played cards together. We worked together. We loved each other, together. Was it enough?

One would think it would get easier. As they come and go with each school year.  Moving your children out of the house. Sending them off to college. Sending them out in to their own adult lives.

It. Never. Gets. Easier.

Ever.

Each time I leave them, I leave a piece of my heart. The heartstrings tug and the tears flow. I am happy, sad and proud all at the same time. They are mine ... lent to me by God, for this special season of time. Precious gifts that I cherish.

  

Behold, Children are a heritage from the Lord, 

The fruit of the womb, a reward. 

~ Psalm 127:3

And so, August has come and both of my girls are moved out again. My nest is emptier, quieter, sadder. My heart aches to see them each day. I know they are where they are supposed to be right now, just as God has ordained for them. I still wonder, "Have I done enough?"

I look back over the years. Did I love them enough? Did I pray with them enough? Did I encourage them enough? Did I support them enough? Did I listen to them enough? Did I cry with them enough? Did I laugh with them enough? Did I talk with them enough? Did I show them enough?  Did I teach and explore with them enough? Did I hug them enough? Did I enjoy the special moments enough? Did I give them enough? Did I prepare them enough for life? Did I do any of it enough?

Was it all enough? Probably not.

One thing I know for certain is that I loved them enough.

I. Loved. Them.

 I loved them enough to give them the most important piece of  knowledge they need in this life. The knowledge and acceptance of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. And with this foundation, they shall not fail!

Train up a child in the way he should go; 

even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

~ Proverbs 22:6 

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 

~Deut. 6:6-7

I. Loved. Them.

I. Will. Always. Love. Them.

 A mother's love goes on forever. A mother's heart bursts with pride and excitement at the sound of her child's voice, the touch of their hand, the sight of their face. A mother's love is unconditional. A mother's love never fails. From the moment of conception, that precious life is forever joined to the heart of the mother.

And so, life goes on. I have a sophomore son still at home. I have time to continue trying to do enough to prepare him for adulthood. I pray for God to give me the strength and knowledge to do enough. I will continue to love all of my children enough.

I. Will. Love. Them.

Enough.

**(Special thanks to author and friend, Michelle Nelson-Schmidt for helping me ponder "enough". )

Joy

May Day. O Blessed Beautiful May Morning. How did we arrive here so quickly? It seems that December and Winter's worst just left us.

Sitting on my deck in the warm sunshine. Crisp. Fresh. The scent of springtime in the air. Fresh soil. Greening prairie. Majestic mountains on the horizon.

Birds chirping. A rooster crowing in the distance. Cottontail babies on my lawn.

The stillness is refreshing. Rejuvenating after many consecutive days of tormenting wind have plagued us. This early May morning is a gift as I feel the warmth of the sun penetrate my bones. I soak it in and let it settle. In my heart. In my soul. Into my whole being. It takes hold. I am warmed.

I close my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Peace. Joy. I am filled with joy.  Pure joy. This morning brings me joy. There is nothing like the morning that awakens my senses so sharply. O wonderful May morning, I have waited for you.

In the morning

give us your mercy in full measure,

So that we may have joy

and delight all our days.

  ~ Psalm 90:14

Joy. Joy because I am blessed.  Blessed beyond measure. Blessed.

I find my joy in my God and the gifts he has given me. The intangible gifts.

His sacrifice. His unfailing love. His grace. His mercy. His "faithfulness stretches to the sky." ("Your Love Oh Lord" by Third Day).

Each day we are given is a true gift. A abounding gift. A gift.

A simple gift. A simple pleasure that I stop to ponder. Ponder. Ponder deeply the ultimate gift of  truth that leads to my joy. A gift that means so much and has such a profound and everlasting impact on all of humanity. A gift that all can receive. Receive His gift. Receive life. Experience joy.

A gift that makes me realize I find amazing joy in knowing my God.  Joy that He saves. Joy that He redeems. Joy that He loves. Joy that He lives. Joy that He walks beside me every step of the way. Joy that He delights in me. In me. ME. How amazing is that?

The LORD your God is with you, 

the Mighty Warrior who saves. 

He will take great delight in you;

 in his love he will no longer rebuke you, 

but will rejoice over you with singing."

~ Zephaniah 3:17

He rejoices. Rejoice with Him. Rejoice.

 My heart overflows. With joy. I am  humbled by His gifts and the joy He gives me. I am blessed. Blessed with time, friends, family and the pure love that comes from recognizing these gifts.

Sight. Sound. Touch. Taste. Feel.

Live. Love. Laugh.

 Sing to the LORD a new song;

 sing to the LORD, all the earth.

~ Psalm 96:1

Rejoice. Delight. Sing.

 You make known to me the path of life; 

you will fill me with joy in your presence...

~Psalm 16:11

Experience Joy. Joy that only come from Him. Joy from his gifts. Joy.

Happy May. Happy springtime. Let the blessings pour out from your Joy in all that he has given.

Be joyful.

Be blessed my friends.

Open Trail

I woke up this morning and before my feet had hit the floor, God was speaking to me. His words to me were that he and I need some alone time. REAL alone time. Not me, my bible, my comfy chair and my coffee cup kind of time. Alone time. Solitude. Where He and I could be together and chat. To me, that has to mean leaving the house and getting outside to be with God and God alone. My first thought, as I could hear the gusty, roaring whistle of the wind whipping against my windows, was really? Today? But God, it's windy out there! Like 40mph gusts kind of windy! And cold, too! Any other day, I would jump at the opportunity to enjoy solitude and be outdoors with God. I don't really get along well with the wind. I hate walking, jogging or running in it and really didn't want to venture out in it today. I wanted to stay in, with my coffee and the subtle calm of my nice warm house. A quiet, empty house, I might add.  I argued with God for awhile and with myself. However, God was speaking! So, I decided (with God's insistence) that this was a PERFECT Friday morning to try a new adventure! An open trail. Wind and all! After all, I had been wanting to check out some trails in a different section of our local recreation area, so I packed up my gear and decided that perhaps a nice trail jog would do me good this morning. God ALWAYS knows what is best for me! I wish I listened to Him better! 

"Whoever has ears, let them hear."

 ~ Matthew 13:9

Friday morning solitude. Off to the open trail I headed this morning. To enjoy my solitude. My alone time with God. The trail before me, my physical gifts from God which allow me to run, and God's beauty around me. The rocks of the trail crunched beneath my feet and the jagged cliffs rose above me as I descended on the trail, step by step. Unsure of this trail ahead of me, so like our lives! Unsure of what is around the next corner or down the next step. I allowed him to lead me on this trail and I allowed Him to talk to me. I reveled in his Glory all around me. As I jogged, I looked out and saw the gorgeous lake with it's frothy white caps being whipped up by the February morning wind. Looking up I saw a gorgeous blue Colorado sky. The magnificent Rocky Mountains lined my horizon with purple mountain majesty. How majestic it was this morning ~ even in the wind. God had called me to spend time with Him. Oh, how he knew what I needed today! I felt so alive with Him leading me. He has called me to love Him and let Him lead, just as he calls each one of us specifically!

 

My open trail today that God leadeth me on!

 I often wonder what it is I am so afraid of. Why don't I let God have more control of my heart, my mind, my soul, my life. What am I waiting for? After all, he is my maker, my sustainer. The giver of life. When I let God have control of my life, it is apparent that he knows what he is doing. Life is suddenly more meaningful. More satisfying. More invigorating. God has me. Always! He knows when to challenge me, when to test me, when to cheer me on, when to let me glory, when to stumble and when to let me fall. He is the God of my life and I need not fear anything. 

" So I'm headed down the open road unknown ...
...And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for"

~Lyrics from "Love Alone is Worth the Fight" by Switchfoot. 

It is my prayer that I can cast out my fears and insecurities and give glory to God in all that I do, each and every day. It truly is a daily struggle to keep Him foremost in my thoughts and to give him thanks for all things, good and bad. In my daily walk with Him, I struggle. I struggle to give Him complete control of my life. Everyday is a brand new battle. I battle with myself to do the things that please God and the things that I know are right. I am human. We all deal with daily battles, but God has assured us that he is there for us. After all, he sent his son, Jesus to die on the cross for us. The ultimate sacrifice has been made and the price has been paid so that we can live in the Spirit and look forward to eternity in Heaven.

 

"Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives."

 ~ Galatians 5:25.

The Spirit of God lives in us and longs to flow through us. Not just in our spiritual lives, but in our emotional, social, work, and physical life. Every part of our life is important to God. And significant. He wants us to call on Him and share our life with him. He longs for us to open our heart and let Him in. He longs for us to not only listen to Him, but to listen for Him. He is with us always. Open your heart and open your ears. He is speaking! Listen. Let Him speak. Let Him speak to you. Solitude. You and God.

Blessings to you, my friends on this windy February day.