Enough

Enough.

I pray that I have done enough.

On this beautiful late August morning, I ponder what exactly is enough. The glorious sun is shining through the trees reaching out to touch me as I breathe in the freshness of the air. I sit on the deck and breathe in the crispness that hints of Autumn around the corner. I enjoy some quiet time; unexpected quiet time as I have been given a time out from work already. Three weeks into the school year and at least one of the 560 students I work with managed to share some sick germs with me. While I am not pleased about the sickness, I am grateful to have some time this morning to rest and wonder if I have truly done enough. 

The last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind as we moved both of our college daughters home for the summer. A summer that I realized would probably be the last summer that our entire family would be home together. Their coming and going with the school years ends and beginnings would not dictate our family time anymore. Our oldest daughter graduated from college and used her summer to prepare to enter the work force and move into her own apartment four hours from us. The reality that this may be the last time we move our oldest out really hit me! Our other daughter prepared for her summer mission trip to Kenya, her sophomore year and explored whether or not she has chosen the right major. As I spent time with these two special young ladies this summer, I wondered if I had done enough.

Our family had a wonderful (yet fast and furious) summer together. We camped together. We fished together. We prayed together. We worshiped at church together. We spent evenings around the firepit together. We laughed together. We played cards together. We worked together. We loved each other, together. Was it enough?

One would think it would get easier. As they come and go with each school year.  Moving your children out of the house. Sending them off to college. Sending them out in to their own adult lives.

It. Never. Gets. Easier.

Ever.

Each time I leave them, I leave a piece of my heart. The heartstrings tug and the tears flow. I am happy, sad and proud all at the same time. They are mine ... lent to me by God, for this special season of time. Precious gifts that I cherish.

  

Behold, Children are a heritage from the Lord, 

The fruit of the womb, a reward. 

~ Psalm 127:3

And so, August has come and both of my girls are moved out again. My nest is emptier, quieter, sadder. My heart aches to see them each day. I know they are where they are supposed to be right now, just as God has ordained for them. I still wonder, "Have I done enough?"

I look back over the years. Did I love them enough? Did I pray with them enough? Did I encourage them enough? Did I support them enough? Did I listen to them enough? Did I cry with them enough? Did I laugh with them enough? Did I talk with them enough? Did I show them enough?  Did I teach and explore with them enough? Did I hug them enough? Did I enjoy the special moments enough? Did I give them enough? Did I prepare them enough for life? Did I do any of it enough?

Was it all enough? Probably not.

One thing I know for certain is that I loved them enough.

I. Loved. Them.

 I loved them enough to give them the most important piece of  knowledge they need in this life. The knowledge and acceptance of Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. And with this foundation, they shall not fail!

Train up a child in the way he should go; 

even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

~ Proverbs 22:6 

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 

~Deut. 6:6-7

I. Loved. Them.

I. Will. Always. Love. Them.

 A mother's love goes on forever. A mother's heart bursts with pride and excitement at the sound of her child's voice, the touch of their hand, the sight of their face. A mother's love is unconditional. A mother's love never fails. From the moment of conception, that precious life is forever joined to the heart of the mother.

And so, life goes on. I have a sophomore son still at home. I have time to continue trying to do enough to prepare him for adulthood. I pray for God to give me the strength and knowledge to do enough. I will continue to love all of my children enough.

I. Will. Love. Them.

Enough.

**(Special thanks to author and friend, Michelle Nelson-Schmidt for helping me ponder "enough". )